You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize