WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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