If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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