Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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