My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
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He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
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Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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