We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
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That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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