Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
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The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
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Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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