I can text with my tongue
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize