Pregnant stripper...not hot.
its not stalking. its research.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
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