your parents love me but you hate me
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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