dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize