i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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