I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize