It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm both gender and math confused
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize