i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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