She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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