Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize