and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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