After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
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Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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