Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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