just come out here and I will go home with you...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You left your phone here
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