I think I am morally bankrupt
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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