OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize