We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
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Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
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I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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