i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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