There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
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Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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