pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
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If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
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I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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