She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
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