: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize