I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
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Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
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No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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