I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
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you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
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Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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