I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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