It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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