I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
How does one acquire holy water?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize