So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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