Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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