I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
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Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
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He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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