I am in a vortex of obligation.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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