It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
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I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
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My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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