it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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