you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize