I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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