I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
its liver damage thursday
Randomize