She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
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showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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