Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i just google imaged poop.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
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My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
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Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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