Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
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i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
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I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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