just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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