I can text with my tongue
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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