the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize