Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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