She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize